Monday, May 15, 2006

The Tories’ A-List: Because Politics Wasn’t Already Enough Like High School

So now we’re getting the first hints of an answer to the burning question: who’s going to be in the Big Brother house who’s on the Tories’ Class A list. Hey, it’s an easy mistake to make. After all, both Big Brother contestants and the Class A list are both supposedly cross-sections of the British public that on closer inspection turn out to be nothing of the sort.

As far as the Tories go, I can only conclude that Cameron decided to give up on the vision of A Party That Looks Like Britain, in favour of A Party That Looks Like North London. Don’t get me wrong – I still think identity politics are antithetical to the whole idea of Conservatism, but the Manchurian Candidate obviously doesn’t, so we’re entitled to draw conclusions when he draws up a supposedly representative sample of the public that includes not a single, unapologetic Northerner.

Actually, being left off this list doesn’t sound so bad, after all. Look who’s on it: a chick lit author, an actor who plays a moron in real-life, a wastrel legatee and House of Dumb heroine Margo, who is a lesbian. I understand Jade Goody was also briefly considered by the Tories, but was ditched because she had too much of a ideological paper trail.

It hardly argues for a deep respect for parliamentary democracy that Cameron can even think of parachuting this collection of muppets into the legislature. Then again, you can say the same about the people who elected him. Maybe that was the point of the exercise: to find the only people in Britain that could make Cameron look like a credible politician.

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